The Surgeon Was a Lady Page 4

  Due to all this agro at that time, I failed an important exam which had meant much to me and I had to reset in six month’s time. The shame of the pregnancy was nothing to the shame of failing that exam. I had let Daddy’s memory down, you see... and rather than go through life as a single mother, I decided I would marry Paul... He was safe... He was quiet and unassuming and I was sure, not very demanding so I could pull it off and say that he was the father, if I married him quickly. I coaxed him into asking me one evening in the college gardens after the new head of departments took over from old Somerville and we had a bit of a bash for the new head’s inauguration. I put on rather a good act, I think. I was feminine and charming and dependent and all the other things that a woman uses to get her man and Paul took the bait and popped the question... but then hadn’t he done that so many times before? However, I was more than surprised when he actually wanted to go farther than I had anticipated, but as it suited me at that time, I played the dying swan and he scooped me up in his arms and had his wicked way with me...

  “Yes... yes, I’ll marry you, Paul,” I remember saying, but there was no enthusiasm in my consent. I agreed on one condition... that he marry me the following weekend in a Registry Office. I didn’t want to hang about for a church wedding and as I didn’t go to church, I felt it was a bit hypocritical getting married there anyway. Also, having inherited my father’ values and his morals, I may add... which became a little dissipated when he died, but that’s quite another story... I would never have considered having an abortion, as I think now it would have been the best thing to do. Gawd, what a lot of trouble it would have saved... but I wasn’t going to have this baby outside of wedlock and Paul would have made as good a father as any.

  The night of the marriage was a disaster... for me, but I don’t think for Paul. He seemed to be extremely happy and I lay back, thinking in my mind to relax for seven months when my baby would be born, prematurely. The time was just right for the re-sit of the exam too and then I could have some maternal leave before I rolled my sleeves up and got on with my life. I would present my husband with the joy of his life and get back to work as quickly as I could. After all, the ‘nanny’ bit still held.

  I cursed Bret Ashford for messing up my life, but we continued our affair, even after my marriage to Paul and his, to that stupid bloody nurse whatsername...

  Everyone congratulated me on my betrothal saying that we were a perfect match and that most of my friends had been expecting it... After all, hadn’t I known Paul nearly all my life. We were old friends. Why couldn’t we end up as lovers? They remarked on how lucky I was to have such a handsome and talented husband as Paul Fehrenbach and I accepted... yes, even wanted all the compliments... they helped to concrete the validity of my deception, didn’t they... but I wondered about those friends who knew me well and felt sure they were putting bets on as to how long the marriage would last.

  Life was pleasant enough in my waiting period... I could always use the excuse that I had a migraine and as I have already said, Paul was very undemanding... and very understanding... I didn’t feel like being fondled when I was in that condition. I didn’t want the baby, but I didn’t want to abort either. I considered it to be a brat that would give me more trouble than it was worth... but then by some kind hand of providence, whether for good or for evil, I’ll never know... I had a miscarriage in the fourth month. I cried and laughed at the same time and I bled a lot and had to have four pints of blood... but I survived... And then I cut my affair with Bret. I didn’t want any more accidents and I didn’t need what he had to offer any more. I suppose having a pregnancy and then a miscarriage, does put you off that kind of thing for quite some time, doesn’t it... or wouldn’t you know about that?

  Paul was full of sorrow, protecting me like a mother hen and assuring me that we would have another baby when I felt up to it, so I just said ‘yes’ and knew in my mind that it would never be so. I wasn’t child-bearing material and nobody was going to change that, but by this time, my heart was very low as the direction of my life had taken a different course. I needn’t have married Paul after all... need I have done? His purpose was over and I had no further need of a husband, but I certainly wasn’t going to remain faithful for the rest of my life to solid, secure and upright Saint Paul now... was I?

  Chapter Six

  Willie posted her scribbling to Ted Sutherland that afternoon as she didn’t feel like facing him with the self-confessed material she had just committed to paper and with half a mind she would have burnt them instead, but she didn’t. It wouldn’t be so bad facing him after he had read the bloody things, she thought... and then he might be able to give her some advice as to what she should do with her life. She felt so empty inside, although she was anything but that... so vulnerable... so lost and certainly didn’t feel the need to be criticized, patronised or compromised on her life style and she began to reproach herself for having gone to Sutherland in the first place... It just seemed the best thing to do at the time. After all, her life wasn’t so very different from many others that she knew... well except that they didn’t have crippled husbands to weigh down their minds with depression and self-guilt. Why did she need help, she asked herself time and time again and who could really give it to her? But she could never find a satisfactory answer. There was a vacuum... a deep, deep hole somewhere in her being that worried her and was creating havoc with her daily work. She would think about Paul when she was operating and she knew how dangerous a thing that was to do as she tried to rid her mind of his problems... but they always came back to her. His face was always there in her mind and his eyes tormented her with their stillness.

  “I wish I had never met him,” she said as she strolled along the hospital corridor towards the swimming pool. A swim might help her to relax... and water therapy was always good for the mind, she thought as she dragged her swimming gear from her bag.

  If only she had been born a different person to what she was... someone just a little more humble perhaps... or less self-willed... not so righteous or self -reliant... then things might have been different... but she wasn’t someone else. She was Wilhelmina Fehrenbach, nee Reinhardt... and she was stuck with it.

  ***

  Things had been going reasonably smooth... considering... until the day she met Ryan at the pool which was reserved for hospital personnel only, but she had never seen him before that first meeting when he appeared so flamboyant and ostentatious, standing ready to jump from the diving board. He held his nostrils between his fingers and thumb and laughed at her as she sat on the side of the pool debating whether to get in or not as Nurse Burroughs who was sitting nearby, paddling her feet in the water, looked at him under her eyelids and squeezed her finger into her bikini top to relive the tension from her ample bosom as she viewed the six or seven other females that were already in the pool.

  Willie had been trying to get Paul from her mind all that morning, but it was becoming more and more difficult as she knew there was nothing more she could do for him and that Clemmie was with him, so he was safe enough when she had to stay at the flat in the hospital when she was ‘on call’. She was aware that Clemmie was only too pleased to be with Paul and that she disregarded the hours of work she put in, as long as she knew he was OK but it was the night duty that worried Willie. Oh yes, Clemmie could tuck him down for the night after he’d had his warm milk drink, but even she was no superwoman... and had to sleep at some time...

  She dipped her toe into the water... It was colder than she had at first thought, but the tanned, virile, strong, healthy muscular body on the diving board, staring down at her, warmed her somewhat and she could feel there was an immediate attraction... She knew this was going to lead somewhere... somewhere dangerous... but she ignored the red light and flirted unashamedly... knowing that he knew what she was doing, but she didn’t care... and anyway, Clemmie could sleep all night... she thought and her mind was troubled again... distra
cting her for a time from the vision in the sexy swimming trunks... There was no need for Clemmie to be with Paul after he had settled down... She had a room to herself, with an en suite bathroom... and full run of the house... so what more could a nurse want?

  SPLASH!... She saw a white foam circle in the pool and he disappeared under the water...

  Perhaps I should advertise for a night nurse... she thought... as she waited for him to re-surface, and he did... after an alarming few moments, throwing his blonde hair everywhere about him and scattering aqueous pearls into the air as he laughed coarsely.

  “Hi there,” she screamed and ran her hand down her arm, “You’ll soak me with all that water and I’m not ready to get in yet.”

  He laughed again as he bobbed about in the water and the sight of his white, even teeth against his deep purple lips made her linger to look longer at what she saw...

  But Clemmie never complained... so why should she get another nurse to help? Oh what the hell...

  “Come on in... It’s lovely... Jump and I’ll catch you,” he called out, but with her usual dalliance, Willie played another of her hard-to-get scenes.

  “When I’m ready and not before,” she shouted and threw her head back as she tucked her hair into her swim cap, but he lounged forward in the water and grabbed her ankle as she sat by the edge of the pool, debating. She screamed, more with delight than shock as she fell into the pool and he pulled her to himself, splashing his hair against her face to annoy her, but the real tease for Willie was his heart pounding so close to her own and his warm breath tickling, as he pushed his lips against her ear

  Nurse Burroughs walked around to the other side of the swimming pool and sat down to watch... She was a regular swimmer, but she never got her bikini wet...

  “Haven’t seen you here before,” he screamed to Willie above the sound of his splashing about as they bobbed in the water together with his arms firmly around her waist.

  “Can’t say I’ve seen you either,” she replied, as he asserted himself more aggressively and twisted his knees around her thighs.

  “What’s your name?”

  “None of your business... and I’d be happy if you would let me go, please.”

  “Mine’s Ryan,” he giggled and threw his head back, showing again his beautiful teeth and a strange sensation ran down her spine. She loved teeth... beautiful, white, even things that were meant for kissing, but he ignored her protest. “You don’t really mean that. I know you don’t. You’re waiting for me to sweep you up in my arms and make passionate love to you. Isn’t that right?”

  Willie raised her eyebrows and looked about her to see the reaction of the other nurses, but they seemed unaware of anything out of the ordinary as they swam around contentedly and she swallowed some water by accident and spat some foam back into the pool.

  “You don’t half fancy yourself, mate... I’ll say that,” she groaned as she tried to wrench herself away from his grasp and he grinned all the more.

  “You’re not trying very hard, are you?” he mused and she tried to slap his face but he ducked and her hand hit the surface of the water, sending a fine spray into the air. He laughed again and tried to tickle her.

  “You don’t need anyone to tell you what size hat you wear, do you?” she cried, but again he ignored her and lifted her high into the air, before he let her fall again sharply as he swam towards the other end of the pool where she could see his tanned shoulders rise and fall as he moved.

  “Race you,” he called out, glancing back at her and his feet beat white bubbles behind him.

  “I’m staying at this end, Romeo... an’ you can get lost.” she called out and started to swim with her best back stroke nearer the shallow end, where she bounced up and adjusted her bathing cap around here ears. She looked around, pretending his presence didn’t matter, but she could feel the excitement of being noticed by him. After all there were about six or seven other women in the pool, excluding Nurse Burroughs, who for reasons known only to herself, never went into the water, although she came every day to the pool... everyone suspected she was a hermaphrodite and she could view either sex to her hearts content... without drawing attention to herself.

  “Wow,” he shouted as he appeared form somewhere under the water and jumped into the air, pulling her bikini straps away from her breast and then letting them fall into place again. “Let’s have a look,” he called out and Nurse Burroughs turned to stare... as Willie pouted and jumped from the pool to sit on the side by the plump nurse and stuck her tongue out at him.

  “That’s not what I want to see Gorgeous,” he shouted back and raced across the pool to be nearer her.

  “That’s all you’re getting,” she giggled.

  “Wanna bet?”

  Willie knew the red light was flashing furiously for her by this time, but it paled in comparison to the light that sparkled in his eye as he struggled out of the water and came to sit beside her. Nurse Burroughs moved along a little from where she sat and smiled at him.

  “Hi there,” he called out to her and looked back at Willie.

  ***

  Isn’t it strange she thought in that instant, how someone like her could almost immediately know the signals that someone was giving out and she only had to know a person for a few days and she could experience the warmth of a potential relationship, if it was there at all. She had a quick and positive instinct for love... Or was it simply lust?... But where did she get this trait from? Her Daddy was such a perfect person and she was sure that no such thoughts or desires ever entered his head. It must have been from her mother’s genes... “Oh gawd” she said aloud as the thought of her mother threw her into confusion. It couldn’t be that... Could it... Not her mother, surely... and Ted Sutherland’s face loomed up before her. That was one subject that she definitely did not want to discuss with him, she concluded... but at the same time, she knew that Ryan what-ever-his-name-was would very soon be in her bed... Or she in his...

  Paul will be fine with Clemmie... I know he will, of course he will, she convinced herself as she dried her hair with her scarlet towel whilst Nurse Burroughs pulled at the bottom of her swim suit around the groin, where her elastic was too tight, screwed up her eyes and flexed her dimpled knees.

  ***

  It was after surgery about a week later, around 7.30 in the evening and Willie was feeling weary after the day’s list of operations. She removed her Theatre cap and her hair fell loosely around her shoulders, leaving her standing only in her green Theatre gown and mask She snapped the surgical gloves from her hand and threw them into a small white bin by the scrubbing-up sink as she reflected on her last case. The woman must have been about 45 or so... and when she had opened her skull, she had found a large swelling under the brain tissue which had to be removed. Willie knew that she had done all that could be done for the woman at that time, but her mind was not at ease as she considered the serious complications that could arise if she were in the slightest way inaccurate about her decision. Sometimes, even with the greatest skill, things went wrong. She knew that... and she had a strange premonition that this last patient was going to come under the category of that one... who slipped through the net. She mopped her brow with a gauze swab and deposited it into a pedal bin with one quick action of her foot. It snapped closed

  “Back to ward A10?” she heard a voice echo behind her as she kicked off her white rubber boots, already well spattered in blood.

  “What?... What did you say?” she asked in a dazed, faraway fashion and the porter clicked his fingers cheekily in front of her eyes.

  “Ward A10,” he asked again and she removed her mask to give him clearer instructions.

  “Take her to the Recovery room first. I want to see her in about half-an-hour.”

  “Well... well... This is a surprise doctor... I had no idea.” Ryan whatsisname was standing beside
her, ready to transfer the patient at her command. She rubbed her eyes and stared at him.

  “You?” she barked. “What the hell...”

  He bowed and gave her a squint of a smile.

  “None other,” he exclaimed and raised his eyebrows as she sighed wearily and glanced at the ceiling.

  “Look... will you please just do as I say... I don’t have the time for loose chatter,” she snapped and the comic porter gave her a mock salute as he pushed the patient to the recovery room.

  ***

  Had she realized who Ryan whatever his name was and that he held such a distinguished position in the hospital as a porter, she wouldn’t have looked at him twice in the swimming pool, she thought... or would she have done? What the hell was he doing there anyway? That pool was reserved for hospital staff and by that, it was meant for doctors and nurses and no other riffraff... but as she watched him walking away pushing his trolley in his black jacket and trousers, she stared at his bum and was forced to smile... and porters too... she thought... and why the hell not?

  Somehow his bright sparkling eyes and devil-may-care attitude gave her a strange feeling of well being and restored her energy. She sighed again as she removed her gown and shoved the mask into the pocket, rolling it into a ball before she slung it into another bin beside the autoclave.

  “Nice to see you again, Boyo,” she whispered as she thought again of her latest surprise and strolled off to the Rest Room for a few minutes before returning to examine the latest of her patients.

  ***

  “Good evening, Doctor.”

  “Good evening, Nurse,” she answered, “Oh! Nurse, could you please take this lady’s T.P.R. and her blood pressure too, if you can do it without pushing her about too much. I want her moved as little as possible.

  Willie’s patient looked pale and drawn, with dark circles under her eyes as she lay, head swathed in bandages and looking like a nun, on the trolley of the Recovery room. She put her hand gently on the woman’s brow and glanced at her watch. Why was she more anxious about this patient, when she had done this operation so many times before and with complete success... she asked herself, but she could not answer her own question and the apprehension would not leave her as a little red mark appeared on the head bandage..?