The Surgeon Was a Lady Read online

  She thought for a few moments

  “The swimming pool,” she said slowly and her face went pale. “The swimming pool,”

  “Yes? What about the swimming pool, Willie? What happened there? Tell me.” Ted Sutherland demanded and Willie looked around her as if she was in some sort of a daze.

  “We had been to visit some friends, shortly before we got married and we had all decided to have a swim before dinner.”

  “Yes?”

  “I hadn’t been too well that day... a migraine, I think and Paul didn’t think it was a good idea for me to swim. He tried to dissuade me.”

  “Yes?” Ted Sutherland went on, more eager to listen than before. Something was coming through here and he sensed it, but Willie grinned in a sarcastic manner.

  “Nobody, persuades me, Mr. Sutherland... Nobody, unless I want to be persuaded... Do you understand?”

  Sutherland smiled and bit his lower lip.

  “I’m beginning to understand, Willie... Just beginning... but that’s a good start.”

  She looked more relaxed and reached out to drink her coffee.

  “Well, I got ready and everyone was laughing... squealing actually and I dived in and I could feel my head ache. I wanted to be sick.” Her eyes seemed to swim in her head as she related her story. “I don’t remember much except that Alex. That was our host was pulling at my legs trying to get me on his shoulders. The water was everywhere and I could feel my ears pounding. I must have passed out because the next thing I remembered was Paul giving me the kiss of life and all the water seemed to have filled my brain. I felt so ill and I wanted to be alone somewhere so that I could be sick. I remember faces...”

  She stopped talking and sipped her coffee, but Ted Sutherland was anxious that she should continue.

  “Yes Willie... and what happened after that?”

  “After what?” she asked and rubbed her forehead with the back of her hand.

  “You said you saw faces... What faces?”

  “Ah! yes, the faces... of course the faces... they were staring down at me and then I must have fainted. When I awoke I was in Simone’s bed... that’s Alex’s wife... and Paul was standing over me, rubbing my hands. I could see the bubbles of water on his chest where his robe began to meet and I later learned that he had dived in to save me, knowing of course that I had felt ill beforehand and that he had advised me against the swim. I suppose that was why he knew to expect what happened. I was so silly. He looked into my eyes and I think it was then that I felt closer to him that I had never felt before. I didn’t laugh this time... not like I did before when he saved me from the horse fall... or worse... Instead, I cried and he took me in his arms and told me what a silly little thing I was but that he loved me.” She sat silently for a few seconds smiling before she continued speaking...”He said he loved me... because I was so silly. Can you believe that?” she whispered.

  Ted Sutherland’s face was solemn and concerned as he answered her.

  “Yes I can,” he said, “I can well believe that, now look... I want you to go home and have the rest of the day in bed... or at least sit around and do nothing... Nothing at all do you understand. Lie down and try to rid your mind of all that seems to be troubling you. Think only of the good times... the nice times you shared with Paul... Do you understand?”

  She nodded and he got her coat.

  ***

  Good morning, Mrs. Fehrenbach,” Monica called as Willie was about to leave the surgery,” Will you telephone when you want your next appointment?”

  Willie wrapped her coat around her and held her brief-case to her breast.

  “Yes, I will do that, thanks,” she said soberly, “Good morning Monica.”

  The receptionist gawked and Ted Sutherland smiled as he closed the door of his consulting room.

  Chapter Four

  She left the surgery and walked towards the city centre taking her time, casually and strolling nonchalantly as she browsed in the shop windows and thought she might do a little window shopping. Her day before, where she lay about doing nothing as Ted Sutherland had suggested she should, didn’t seem to have had any affect on her. She still felt as if she was walking on a cloud... and wished she could step off and come down to earth. She was still ‘on call’ but her bleeper was quiet... and she wondered for how long... If it would only stay that way until 4.30 p.m. She would be off duty then and for the next two day also... What bliss! What luxury! No more brain spills or skulls to be bored, she thought as she walked on.

  It was five years now since the accident, she reflected sadly. Paul had been unable to practice medicine for the past three and a half years, due to the advancement in his paralysis and where he had began with no power in his lower region... his legs and his thighs... It had crept up... whatever it was, until now he was without power from the neck down. It was a wonder and a blessing that he had not been rendered incontinent, but by some strange stroke of luck... or whatever else, he was OK in that department. As for him being impotent... well... that depended on the time of month, Willie used to say.

  Nurse Clements or Clemmie as Willie called her with a smidgen of affection, or seemingly to patronize as it sounded good to the visitors... although Willie was never known to be excessive in familiarity, was a great help and often worked longer hours than she should have done and Willie suspected that she had a soft spot for her husband, After all he was still handsome, wasn’t he? Well, in his own fashion, she thought... although he dribbled a lot these days. His features weren’t bad and his hair was still thick if going grey in parts, which Willie considered to be a sign of maturity. His eyes never lost that sparkle... that glint, that had attracted her what seemed so many, many, many years ago. They were darker olive these days, she thought, although she could never understand why... and large... a little frightening at times. Like a captured fawn in a forest trap. What had he to be frightened about? What indeed, she asked herself as she ran her eyes closely over a gold pendant that caught her attention in the window display. OK, she thought, if she could get the earrings to match and she rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand as she reflected for a moment on the loneliness of her husband’s life since the accident. She had wanted him and she had not wanted him. Loved him and hated him for his fortitude and his brave attempts to make light of his misfortune... Damn him... Damn his bloody patience... she thought. Why the hell can’t he be like any other man and holler from time to time? Why did he just lie back, accepting? Resigned? Resigned to what? She could feel the anger well up within her as she struggled to keep her own life in order with her hectic and active existence. There were times when she wished she had never followed in her Daddy’s footsteps and times when she wished she would never hold a scalpel in her hand, ever again. Perhaps she might have made a better paediatrician... or even a gynaecologist... but No!... the latter nauseated her. She did not like children... Never could stand the squealing brats and wanted nothing to do with them.

  She walked on past the jeweller’s shop where she had seen the pendant. In her heart she knew and had to admit the excellence of her work and of the flair she had for it, so why should she complain. Hadn’t they called on her to perform the most intricate surgery where no other of her immediate colleagues, could do it. I wish Daddy could see me when I’m in there... In there, sweating away, pulling this and that and putting the parts together again... and a warm tear filled her eye which she quickly wiped away in disgust of how she was feeling. Why couldn’t Daddy have been like Paul’s dad... a tradesman or something like that, she thought... and then she smiled... An electrician or something similar... she thought and then the picture of Paul’s father presented itself to her where she saw him receive his Knighthood from the Queen only five months ago, for his work as Chairman of the Anglo-Deutsch Electrical Engineering Company. He was indeed a tradesman... and they are hard to find. Real good ones, you know... Mind you, h
e would never have ever made a surgeon, she concluded complacently and sniffed... Now her Daddy was...

  Another tear found its way around her eye as she thought of her father’s death at such an early age. He was only 54. Why should a gifted, intelligent and worthwhile man like him have died so young? Why were people given the yearning and the skill to do great things if they were not allowed the life in which to do it? Why couldn’t it have been some stupid electrician... even if he did receive a knighthood..?

  Willie stopped suddenly in her thoughts and a semblance of a blush touched her cheek... if only for a moment.

  ***

  The time was 4.40pm. Her bleeper had been silent throughout her shopping spree and she had gone back to the jewellers to buy the pendant that she had so admired. Now she was ready to go back home and she hailed a taxi.

  Clemmie was busy about her many duties when Willie strolled into the lounge and threw her coat across a chair by the fireside. The flames crackled as the draught blew across the logs making them flair up and hiss at her as if in protest that she had disturbed them. Defiantly, she put her tongue out at the fire and sat down. Paul was propped up in a thickly cushioned chair opposite to where she sat, with his head drooping slightly to one side and his eyes half closed. She got up and walked towards him and kissed his forehead.

  “Had a nice day, darling?” she asked as she took his hand for him to squeeze his answer into her fingers.

  “Yes,” he answered in his silent manner and she wiped the saliva from his chin.

  “You can go any time now Clemmie. I’m off for a few days,” she called out knowing that Nurse Clements had some sort of assignment somewhere... but she never asked where, why... or with whom.. After all, it was only a guess... For all she knew the dear lady could be going to church... “I’ll see that he’s alright...” she concluded as she picked up a magazine from the coffee table.

  Nurse Clements smiled as she came into the lounge and insisted that Willie should have a bath... ‘ a nice bath’... she would always say... and somehow it always seemed better that way; A nice warm bath to help her relax now that she had a few days off.

  “I’ve run the bath for you Madame,” Clemmie concluded in her precise nurses-duty-like manner... for Nurse Clements was a nurse to her finger tips. She seemed to live in her uniform from morning till night and even when she was off duty, she liked to show everyone her authority. Her face was fixed into the duties of her day and she was ever alert to any need of her patient. Willie knew she had a treasure in Nurse Clements, but she somehow distrusted that look of devotion that she had towards her husband. It was a look of tenderness that broke through the mask of duty whenever Clemmie attended to the needs of Dr. Paul Fehrenbach. She would hold his thin, pale hand and speak to him through his finger-tips and he would smile. Willie wasn’t sure if Clemmie was married or not. She said nothing about any binding relationship when she was interviewed for the job as a regular nurse and companion/carer to Paul... but somehow at that time, nearly three years before, she had appeared as just another nurse. Willie never saw her then as a woman... and certainly not as any threat to her own marriage, weak though it was, and besides, Clemmie was not what you would describe as a beautiful woman... not by any standards. She was quite plain as a matter of fact, but... reluctant though Willie was to admit it... had nice legs and an elegant slim waist.

  “Pity about the face,” Willie thought aloud, not thinking she could be heard... or had she?

  “Yes Madame?” asked Clements.

  “Yes what,” asked Willie.

  “I thought you said something Madame. I’m sorry,” she said but Willie waved the incident away with one sweep of her hand.

  “Thanks. I’ll have that bath now, if you’re sure it’s ready... Oh and Clemmie. It’s your day off tomorrow isn’t it? Well have Thursday of as well. I’ll be O.K with the Lord and Master here.”

  Clemmie looked annoyed at Willie’s remarks.

  “Are you sure Madame? I don’t mind coming back tomorrow evening... Not at all.”

  “I wouldn’t say it was if I wasn’t... so scoot,” came the reply as Willie buried her head in the magazine she was holding and Clemmie left the lounge with a rather worried face, glancing over her shoulder as she went... as there was something strange about Doctor Wilhelmina Fehrenbach that she couldn’t quite figure out.

  ***

  “Well... and what shall we do this evening, darling,” Willie spoke with scorn in her voice as she looked disinterestedly at her husband. His eye blinked and his facial muscles tried to force a smile. “Will it be reading from your favourite... The Charge of the Light Brigade, again... or would you rather have something more romantic,” she scoffed... Rebecca... yes... by your old sweetheart, Daphne, eh? What do you think?” She leaned across from where she was sitting beside him until her face touched his. “You handsome young bugger,” she whispered... “Or would you rather have a private little fantasy of your own, eh?”

  Slowly she undid the buttons of her blouse and slipped the straps of her brassiere from her shoulders, making a groaning sound as she moved and showing the fullness of her breasts in the glowing light of the flickering fire. Paul’s eyes twitched and saliva formed around his lips as he tried to swallow.

  “Mustn’t show too much, my love... You might get a hard-on and that would never do, would it now?”

  She walked across to the fireplace and pulled her blouse back over her shoulders, watching her husband’s reaction as she moved. A tear appeared slowly at his eye before it fell, trickling down his cheek and he flinched as it tickled his chin. Willie lit a cigarette and blew the smoke casually around the room.

  “I know you don’t like it darling and that it makes you cough, but we all have to put up with these things that we don’t like, don’t we? Now what is it to be? The Light Brigade... or silly old romantic Daffers?... You choose.”

  Her eyes narrowed as she watched Paul’s fingers move, but his eyes closed slowly and a diamond thread vibrated from between his lips and stuck to his chin.

  “Oh my gawd... You’re not gonna cry again, are you?” she simpered and stubbed her cigarette out with a determined effort, screwing it savagely into a white onyx ashtray nearby and sat down beside him, crossing her legs.

  “No sex tonight, darling,” she snarled, “Now where was I? Oh yes, ‘Once upon a time...”

  Chapter Five

  More Scribbling

  Paul and I were courting... well, if you can call it that. We were seeing quite a lot of each other for nearly five years before he asked me to marry him and I said, “No,” of course. I wanted to go further in my career and go on for surgery, whereas he was content just to be an ordinary G.P. although I know he was a damned good one... a fine doctor, but as I have said, I wanted more than he had to offer and besides, by this time, I regarded our relationship as more friendly, rather than romantic. More like a brother and sister thing, you know. Paul was too gentle... too pure by far and too intent on his work to help the world, whereas I wanted to enjoy life and I didn’t want to be tied down, even if Paul did promise that we could have an au pair and a nanny too, should the need arise and it was ‘nanny’ bit that put me off more than anything else. I didn’t want children until I was well into my career, where I could conveniently take time off without serious interruption in my work. Kids would only have been a hindrance and not an asset.

  ***

  Whenever we were invited to parties, either at the college or elsewhere, Paul always looked like the typical eligible bachelor. Tall, dark and handsome, to a fault, I thought and even considered that he might be too attractive... dangerously handsome, I thought. He was conversational enough to be interesting and never a bore, but I found him too quiet... too relaxed and I wanted someone with a bit more flair... more butch if you like to vulgarize my taste. In other words, I didn’t find Paul Fehrenbach sexy enough, if you wa
nt my honest opinion and you keep reminding me that I have to be totally honest with you... don’t you. Oh gawd... This epistle is becoming more like a letter each day. I shall have to watch myself, won’t I? Well, anyway... two things spring to mind which I am sure influenced me in my future direction. Firstly, Daddy died of a heart attack when I was twenty-four and I thought the earth had opened up and swallowed me. I missed him terribly and mother was beginning to rely on me, more than I wanted. She was looking for a companion when Daddy died, but that wasn’t for me. His death was the greatest sorrow of my life and secondly I had fallen madly in love with Bret Ashford, who was only a first-year student, but he had what it takes as far as I was concerned... and I decided to take it... Does that shock you, Ted? We had an affair... a strong, powerful sexy thing it was, with no holds barred. We each knew what we wanted and there was no stuttering... We just went for it. Then he told me that he’d got one of the student nurses up the spout and felt he had to do the decent thing by her. The decent thing... I ask you? What’s decent about a grope in the dark? That’s not love. It happens all the time and I laughed at first when he told me that as I honestly never ever considered him anything but a stallion with no feelings... a rotter that kept his brains in his crotch... a sex machine with no feelings you would account for and certainly no loyalties to any young filly that he might put in the family way... unless her daddy was a millionaire... but I was hooked on Bret... I cried a lot after that... Not for Bret, you understand. I didn’t cry because I had lost him. I cried because I’d lost what he could give me... and to make matters worse, he certainly did that, with a vengeance, because I found that I, too was pregnant and although there had been others besides Ashford, it certainly wasn’t by Paul and it was no use thinking I could go to Ashford and plead the little innocent victim of his horny ways. He knew me well... and although the little nurse’s daddy wasn’t a millionaire... he wasn’t short of a bob or two... not by any means...